The Holocaust. Chernobyl. The Industrial Revolution and child labor. 'Murica and Mexican immigrant tariffs. Atrocities fill the world, and we stare at our screens to get through the day. Some days, that unnaturally bright screen just isn't enough.
What then? And how do we justify (or even motivate) our sexual desires while confronting these horrors?
When I think about all the terrible things we've done, one of two things happens. Either the feeling overwhelms me and leaves me a spiritually deflated mess, or my imagination affords me intense passion for a better future. Sometimes both happen, with either one being before the other.
This time, it's synced up in this horrific cycle of extremes (the perpetual emotional roller coaster). Ramped up to an empathetic high, immediately inflicting deep emotional pain to the point of desensitization and apathy, followed by hyper-logical reflection and 'now-' centered reflection that inevitably brings me back to face the awful truth of yet another atrocity when viewed from a more empathic level.
Part of me finds that cycle to be oddly sexual. Like it's spiritually edging me via torment toward some revelatory orgasm of sorts. It's not the kind of sexual mirroring to get me hot and bothered, though.
Atrocities And Sexualities
There are two main elements to life: survival and connection. One could make an argument for experience as a third, but I think it's rolled into the other two most of the time. Sex often bridges those two elements of life, by being both practical to the survival of our species and integral to forming intimate relationships. It helps that it's super-fun, too. ;)
But the human condition and desire for connection goes so far beyond sex that these days we've got people identifying as "asexual." While that might sound like something I should be railing against, I've found they've actually got a decent strategy as far as connection goes: appreciate the simple intimacies.
Cultivating or justifying sexual desire in what otherwise seems inappropriate circumstances is merely a matter of appreciating (and not forcing or taking advantage of) the intimate and vulnerable moments of those we care about.
A conversation about fears can be such a moment of intimacy, revealing dark corners of a loved one (or a pursued one). Reaching out to pat a head, wrap in a hug, or hold a hand can create an empathetic connection in hard times. These "asexual" actions are easily precursors to deeper, more sexual connections.
Going Deeper Into Desire
For me, these atrocities of man (and woman) -kind compel me to focus on bringing my art to the world. Sure, it may seem to some (or most?) that my books are just masturbation and arousal material- and for some readers that may be true. However, the underlying desire for connection and its hunger for intimacy remains one of the fundamentals of humanity. A good story can not only entertain and arouse, but also educate and expand perceptions.
It is my goal to help illuminate those that struggle with intimacy to find a lighthouse in the vast, turbulent sea of singleness. While gaining insight on various perspectives as well as enjoying the tools provided for immediate gratification, my stories aspire to create building blocks of experiences from which readers can find new responses to familiar circumstances (or even re-live those they've made in the past for greater clarity).
I believe the greatest atrocity of all is a life stuck in patterns of behavior that guarantee loneliness. May my work shed some light on ways to subtly alter and improve such a condition, while also being enjoyable in and of themselves. ;)